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Twilight Fans: You Can Stop Making Crafts Now

Look, I liked Twilight as much as the next horny housewife, but I certainly drew the line at putting my pillows in the freezer and rigging our shower to dump glitter on my unsuspecting husband. Edward was a little too pale for my liking.  If you saw my husband, you'd know for certain that I'm Team Jacob. See also: Team Justin Bobby of The Hills.  Rawr. In the interest of Poptastrophe, I thought I'd bring out some old Twilight-inspired gems and present some new Vampire-y Goodies to mock freely. First up: PUPPETS. Meet Edward Cullen.  You know, in case you've been under a rock and have never seen him. [caption id="attachment_3964" align="aligncenter" width="400" caption="He can stop vans with his bare hands and stuff."]He can stop vans with his bare hands and stuff.[/caption] And his blood-thirsty likeness in the form of PUPPETS! edward puppet 1 [caption id="attachment_3973" align="aligncenter" width="500" caption="Tell me Edward has not been reduced to a toilet paper cozy! (he hasn't, we checked. whew.)"]edward puppet 3[/caption]

[caption id="attachment_3974" align="aligncenter" width="335" caption="Bobcat Goldthwait?"]edward puppet 2[/caption]

and do you remember when we shared Growing Up Cullen? *snort*

[caption id="attachment_3984" align="aligncenter" width="375" caption="ZOMG! Gossip Girl's CHUCK BASS!"]ZOMG! Gossip Girl's CHUCK BASS![/caption] [caption id="attachment_3975" align="aligncenter" width="430" caption="Is this really necessary? What happened to empowering our daughters?"]stupid-lamb[/caption]

[caption id="attachment_3977" align="aligncenter" width="430" caption="*eyeroll*"]*eyeroll*[/caption]

[caption id="attachment_3978" align="aligncenter" width="430" caption="Really? Cuz I don't think you do. "]Really?  Cuz I don't think you do.  [/caption]

Unless...

[caption id="attachment_3979" align="aligncenter" width="430" caption="Unless you have these. Which? LMFAO."]Unless you have these.  Which?  LMFAO.[/caption]

[caption id="attachment_3980" align="aligncenter" width="430" caption="Okay, now I can't stop laughing."]Okay, now I can't stop laughing.[/caption]

The Edward Cullen Shower Curtain:

[caption id="attachment_3991" align="aligncenter" width="343" caption=""You Should Get That Mole Checked, Horny Housewife.""]"You Should Get That Mole Checked, Horny Housewife."[/caption]

Dreadful Dreadfalls and the Twilight Song:

[caption id="attachment_3983" align="aligncenter" width="430" caption="If You Liked Then You Shoulda Put a Bell on It."]If You Liked Then You Shoulda Put a Bell on It.[/caption]

and who could forget:

[caption id="attachment_3982" align="aligncenter" width="500" caption="Bella's Womb"]Bella's Womb[/caption] All pictures are linked with their respective sources.
Posted by Karen Sugarpants on October 8, 2009 @ 8:00 pm  

17 Responses to “Twilight Fans: You Can Stop Making Crafts Now”

  1. Tweets that mention Twilight Fans: You Can Stop Making Crafts Now | Craftastrophe -- Topsy.com Says:

    [...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by craftastrophe and bibliogrrl. bibliogrrl said: Twilight Fans: You Can Stop Making Crafts Now: http://bit.ly/1UovfF (via @craftastrophe) [...]

  2. Loralee (13 comments.) Says:

    OH. MY. HOLY. HELL!

    BAAAAAHHHHHHAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHAAAAAAAA!

    Dear god I love this website.
    .-= Loralee´s last post ..Asking for feedback from you. =-.

  3. BWelch (18 comments.) Says:

    I swear those are the WORST dreadfalls I’ve ever seen-and believe you me I’ve seen some bad ones!

    Never seen Twilight-this makes me even more resigned not to.

  4. Kaylynn (21 comments.) Says:

    The shower curtain. Oh my god, the shower curtain. If I got up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom I would freak the hell out. And, it’s like eye-toilet level. *shudder*
    .-= Kaylynn´s last post ..Wake Up The Sleepers =-.

  5. Katherine Says:

    I think the thing that made me laugh the hardest was the shoes… ‘Cause, I gotta admit, the puppets? While not a great idea, still pretty well made. Though I do agree with Kaylynn about the shower curtain… I don’t even want to think about how long it would take for me to get used to someone staring at me during my private bathroom time.

  6. Alana (1 comments.) Says:

    Is it just me or does that last crocheted doll look a bit more like Conan O’Brien than Edward Cullen?

  7. steen (22 comments.) Says:

    On that note, while looking around online for glitter gels (because I’m going to be somewhat of a parody of the Twilight vampires for Halloween) I found this and giggled because I have the maturity and sense of humor of a twelve year old boy:

    “Edward’s Essence”
    http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?ref=vl_other_2&listing_id=26496950

    So I guess it answers a burning question amongst Twilight fans…
    .-= steen´s last post ..Things I Learned Over the Weekend =-.

  8. myatz Says:

    i think I’m starting to like this website… i luv the puppets…and about the shower curtain,..(haha!)..creates a feeling that someone is really staring at you…

  9. Lotta (7 comments.) Says:

    For a minute I thought that “Hello My Name Is” was a flask and I was all, “Hell yeah!” but it was just another scrabble tile necklace.

    They should make some more useful Twilight Crafts. Like a cozy for that vampire dildo you put in the freezer. http://www.buzzfeed.com/akdobbins/twilight-dildo

  10. Snarky Amber (1 comments.) Says:

    Bella’s…womb.

    I’m sorry, that’s all I had to say. I need a shower now.
    .-= Snarky Amber´s last post ..Indomitable Spirit =-.

  11. JannaBee (1 comments.) Says:

    I’m sorry, but this is so many levels of awesome. I almost shat myself when I saw the shoes.

  12. Favorite Friday Posts I’ve Enjoyed this Week from the Bloggerverse  | The Pink Chandelier Says:

    [...] Twi­light Fans, You Can Stop Mak­ing Crafts Now Craftastrophe [...]

  13. Nicole (1 comments.) Says:

    Loved your blog! Subscribed via email! :)

    Enjoyed this post so much couldn’t help but add it to my meme – Favorite Friday!

    http://www.prettypinkchandelier.com/2009/10/09/favorite-friday-posts-ive-enjoyed-this-week-from-the-bloggerverse/

    Is it a bad thing that I almost wanted a few of these? *giggles*

  14. mjb (1 comments.) Says:

    Oh how I wish I had stopped reading before I got to the womb. Oh so much.
    .-= mjb´s last post ..Picnic Quilt =-.

  15. pren Says:

    wow. you all really don’t have anything better to do than criticize other peoples creative work? what do you care what they are making? what do you all have to show for all your free time? besides this blog i mean. which i must say, might be your creative way of expressing yourself. i just think its kinda mean and if you put your mind to actually making something creative you might not have all this extra energy to waste putting people down.

    i am curious to see if this post even makes it through or if you screen it out.

    just some thoughts. you ARE after all, entitled to your opinions.

    twi-fan and crafty gal, pren

    kaelie Reply:

    its just a bit of fun, chill out, and the site dnt just mock things it put some really awsume but unusual stuff on it too.

  16. FreakinAmused Says:

    Twlight fans need to stop, in general. Funny post.

    To: pren, get the stake out of your bum.






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