That’s what they called me in Grade 6, before braces: Bucky the Wonder Horse. I didn’t have buck teeth, but my overbite would have made some backhoes jealous.
When our favorite reader Bindi sent in these “Cubed Seaflowers,” I was immediately thrust back to pre-pubescent times of kids teasing me in school, and me drooling in my sleep like a geriatric baboon. Then I thought of the subsequent exercise whereby the orthodontist pried my mouth open like a giant clam, froze my jaw, and ripped out two teeth (because I had too many teeth yanno, like a HORSE). He then took a mold of my fangs, wired my mouth like a ham radio and then slapped headgear around my head in 6 places and told me my social life was “over for 5 years. Sorry kid.”
Thanks for the memories, Bindi.
Five years went by, slowly, painfully (literally I had to go back every month and have those f*ckers tightened with the orthodontist’s knee in my chest to hold me down.) and at the end, when Dr. Wratchet ripped every piece of tin from my maw, he was left with a pile not unlike this:
And that’s how the story goes of How Karen Sugarpants Got To Be SO VERY Pretty. Prettier than Backpacking Dad, even.
Cubed Seaflowers. *snort*
Whatever, Crafter. You can stop making crafts now.
Thanks Bindi!
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September 4th, 2009 at 10:02 pm
I never had any headgear, although I needed it. Regardless, even with all that work done I’m still prettier than you.
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Karen Sugarpants Reply:
September 4th, 2009 at 10:21 pm
Oh you still need headgear. To cover up that pretty face, pretty boy.
September 4th, 2009 at 10:31 pm
In fairness, a horse doesn’t have too many teeth. A horse has huge gaps in their dental anatomy. Front teeth, a good 4-6″ of smooth gums with no teeth behind those (at least), then premolars and molars. It makes a handy place to put the bit in a horse’s mouth.
Loralee (11 comments.) Reply:
September 5th, 2009 at 9:42 pm
Yes, yes. You’re very smart. Thank you for enlightening us because we were all thinking how totally accurate the horse comparisons were.
Whew! Disaster averted.
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Galadriel Reply:
September 5th, 2009 at 10:11 pm
Hmmm. My comment was intended less as a “nyah nyah you’re wrong” (although you got that part down well, didn’t you? Well done) and more of a “in retrospect, people who were mean were also stupid, isn’t that nice to know” and also “hey, isn’t this nifty.”
Loralee (11 comments.) Reply:
September 5th, 2009 at 10:50 pm
SIGH.
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September 4th, 2009 at 10:43 pm
And furthermore, the wires used in ham radios are NOTHING like those used in orthodonture. And headgear is fastened in eight places, not six. TRY to get this shit right.
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Loralee (11 comments.) Reply:
September 5th, 2009 at 9:42 pm
I’ve mentioned I love you, right? ;P
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September 4th, 2009 at 11:09 pm
ugh. seriously! I work so hard on my crafts…. how does this person sleep at night! What, did this take 4 minutes to make? Insert wire in garbage disposal… turn garbage disposal on for 30 seconds, and there you have… cubed seaflowers. gross.
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September 4th, 2009 at 11:36 pm
So right there with you. Had head gear, neck gear, rubber bands, retainers, the whole nine yards. What a miserable four years.
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September 5th, 2009 at 9:38 am
You’re stronger than me. I barely lived through school sans the head gear. I can’t imagine what would have happened if I had anything added to my head that wasn’t already in my arsenal of dorky glasses, weird nose, acne, and freckles.
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September 5th, 2009 at 10:13 am
Okay, yeah, been there with the headgear, and you know that back brace with the little fitting on the side where the headgear slid in? What felt like the entire inside of me cheek would get sucked up into that tiny little hole and hurt like a MF’er! I was purty, yes I was!
Oh, and is the cube a marshmallow? WTH?
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September 5th, 2009 at 11:16 am
i can easily see these on my bookshelf. i’ll tell my friends i took up scuplture again, cuz…you know, my friends don’t worry about me enough.
September 5th, 2009 at 6:00 pm
Riiiight… Looks like someone just gave their 5-year-old some wire, let them have at it, then stuck the result on “DAS modelling clay” (WTH?) and tried to sell it. I’m not so sure about this one.
September 7th, 2009 at 8:13 am
ouch! that hurts
September 12th, 2009 at 6:52 am
does it hurt having wires on your teeth?
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