The bin in my son’s daycare is overflowing with gently worn animals who have spent their days comforting young children as they take their daily naps. I’d love to shove this one in the bin and see the look on the faces of some of the parents as they dig through for their child’s beloved stuffy.

STOP LOOKING AT ME SWAN!*

I don’t know know what freaks me out more: the two-headed-ness or the fact that the bunny eerily resembles Ruby.

WHERE THE HELL ARE YOUR PARENTS?!

F*ck, I hate that stupid know-it-all rabbit.

Thanks Mo!

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* Guess the movie that the quote came from? One of my favourite no-brainer movies ever! No googling!

In college I owned a lime green jacket made of vinyl. I thought I was the hottest thing around.

Yes. Vinyl. Lime green. I can’t tell you how badly I wish I had a picture for you.

It was 2001. Yes. I. KNOW.

My then (sexual relations) buddy thought it was amazing, HOT, and totally sexy.

He’s now my husband thankyouverymuch.

He was right about one thing. Totally hot. Like sweaty just breathing hot. Sweat dripping down your back hot. Don’t-even-bother-dancing-or-you-will-cook-from-the-inside-out HOT.

Kinda like Ross’ leather pants.

I can’t watch that without giggling uncontrollably.

I have no idea how to properly segue this so I’ll just say: Hot. Boobies.

What? It’s late. I’m tired. Suck it. *snort*

Um. Wha?

Uh. Okay.

Wait. Wait! It gets better! I swear!

A complete unitard of latex with inflatable bewbs.

Now that? THAT’S HOT.

(P.S. In the crotch area? There’s some metal-ish beads / pins / clasps. Don’t ask what that’s all about. I suspect some access point. You know? Like a spanx hole?

{source} — The shop has some um, other random fetish items if you’re so inclined. Consider yourself warned.

This one just makes me laugh.

Manically.

I am buying one and wearing it with my sexist* lingerie.

Hmm… I wonder if she makes bacon ones?

From the listing:

A fun and whimsical broach that will add a unique flair to any outfit. Pannies Broaches are made from real fried eggs that are entirely encased in gloss to make them solid and wearable. They do not smell or leak or stain, don’t worry! The edges of the egg curl up, creating a sculptural and unexpected accessory.

Seriously. Aside from bacon perfume this has to be about the easiest way to turn a man on.

I totally, unconditionally LOVE it.

Even more so that it doesn’t leak or stain. LOL

Thanks Cari!

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You people sure have an affinity for weirdo cats lately.

This one kinda reminds me of my own cat though.

Hellish.

Like this? This is the look I get when he craps outside his litter box.

This is how he treats me on a regular basis. RUDE.

Damn cat. Confession: I can’t stand my cat. I just can’t bring myself to dump him at a shelter. At nine years old, I just can’t do that to him. Lucky for us, our vet says he’s in great condition and will likely live to see a ripe old age of at least 16.

And? He’s SATANIC. Eyes rolling to the back of his head as he barfs on my couch.

Except my cat? He’s ALIVE and most times I wish nothing more than for him to have the ability to turn to stone.

Or polymer.

Whatever.

From the listing:

This odd genie is their to help, his bright color brings energy to the room and his strange appearance with no doubt start fun conversations!…

He comes attached to a wooden base with leather bottom to prevent fine furniture from scratching.
He is sure to lift anyone’s mood!

I just can’t picture someone with a $14,000 sideboard in their dining room showing this piece along side their bottle of  The Macallan Fine and Rare Collection, 1926, 60 Years Old at a price tag of $38,000.

Unless of course by “fine” the seller means my MDF laminate bookself, because THAT is totally doable.

Go check out the seller’s shop. There are some AMAZINGLY creepy pieces there. Including this one. OMFG.

Thanks Natalie!

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Because “You can have it ALL!”

I know, we’ve featured Barbie-esque stuff before. I. KNOW.

I just can’t help myself. Anything with Barbie’s mutilated body encapsulated in resin screams to me. I can’t bring myself to pass it by.

Particularly this gem. Why? Because: YOU CAN HAVE IT ALL.

YES. I AM YELLING.

HAVE IT. TAKE IT. PLEASE. NOW!!!!

From the listing:

You CAN have it all. . . it just takes some work! A great piece for the recent graduate, or person who has just been promoted.

That’s exactly what I was thinking. For a person who has just been promoted…

INTO THE POSITION YOU WERE ALSO VYING FOR.

You could wrap it up all pretty like and when you hand it to them say: “Congratulations! It’s all yours!” as you smile politely and innocently.

Hopefully they believe your gesture to be genuine. That would make it all the more fun when you see that they’ve hung your gift in their new 4 X 4 cubical facing the window which looks onto the backside of a concrete structure situated a mere 4 feet from said window.

Dammit. It should have been YOURS!

NOW GIVE ME BACK MY MUSTARD LID!

Thanks Krista!

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