I am fasinated with strippers. I don’t know why or what it is, but while in my early college years, and a little after, I as not shy to go to the strip club with girlfriends and watch girls dance.

Strange right?

We used to meet up and go to the local strip club and drink, shoot pool and critque the dancers (because we knew what was going on) until some of the girls complained that they were uncomfortable dancing while there were girls in the house.

Girls dancing on a stage and being ogled by men sitting inches from them have sexual fantasies didn’t creep them out, but the girls in the back playing pool? CREEPY!

I digress.

Because if I were a stripper I would definitely be adding these pasties to my outfit.

Oh Canada!! Now stand at attention gentleman.

Is that a maple leaf or a cross? A sequin cross on a boobie tassel? Oh, the sacrilege.

Hand knitted shell-like shapes with fluff pipe cleaners feathers mock feathers? I can feel my nipples getting itchy and sweaty already.

For your special wedding day on stage, your very own crystallized ta-ta tassels. HOT. Imagine expecting the bride to come down the aisle in a wedding dress, you turn as the music starts, standing and waiting patiently then you see this:

I can tell you this: if I saw some battle axe coming down the aisle with a body like that I’d be running up to her and asking for her secret.

These ones? For the arachnoid lover.

WTF!? Is that a tongue.

What better to lick you with my dear.

But these ones take the cake people. Nothing like a your boos giving you the low down on what’s happening below.

Pasty vaginae for your boobies.

OMG. That even grossed ME out.

Thank Casey from Moosh in Indy for sharing these. You can blame her for my entirely inappropriate post.

{ sources: Canada pasties, knitted pasties, wedding pasties, spider pasties, vagina pasties }

15 Responses to “[NSFW] If Only I Were A Stripper”

1. moosh in indy. (16 comments.) Says:
   March 3rd, 2009 at 9:12 am

   I take all the blame because OMG.

   moosh in indy.’s last blog post..moosh in nashvegas.

2. fidget (9 comments.) Says:
   March 3rd, 2009 at 9:19 am

   a vagina ON YOUR NIPPLES, that’s like every guy’s wet dream right? I mean it’s two things rolled into one!

   fidget’s last blog post..The thing about Monday is

3. Karen Sugarpants Says:
   March 3rd, 2009 at 10:04 am

   OH MY GOSH.

   Oh

   My

   Gosh.

4. candace trew camling (134 comments.) Says:
   March 3rd, 2009 at 11:28 am

   ewwww…. Its like some 8th grader’s “uber awesome cool” fantasy idea come to life (I am referring to the vaggy-nipple covers)… ewwwww….

   candace trew camling’s last blog post..Cow Plush

5. Taylor Blue (91 comments.) Says:
   March 3rd, 2009 at 11:34 am

   I love those spider ones…for say if I ever was going to be a stripper…but a vagina for my boobies? That is so wrong!

   Taylor Blue’s last blog post..Ellen Degeneres & Fall Out Boy Sing ‘Womanizer’ (Ellen’s Bathroom Concert Series)

6. Nurse Mo Says:
   March 3rd, 2009 at 1:22 pm

   I’m thinking the red cross ones are DEFINITELY for a nurse. Not that I necessarily like promoting the sexy nurse image. But maybe I do in the bedroom in private okay? And those are awesome!

   (I have also had a fascination with strippers that can do the boob twirl thing with tassels…)

7. Liz D-M Says:
   March 3rd, 2009 at 2:17 pm

   Awww! Those spider tassels are cute!

8. Tiffany Says:
   March 3rd, 2009 at 2:33 pm

   Those vagina pasties look like they were inspired by an Anime flick featuring a tentacle monster!
   On another note, those spider pasties have given all of my old craft projects from grade school new purpose.

9. Dawn Says:
   March 3rd, 2009 at 7:45 pm

   If I buy the vagina pasties for my husband would that make me a lesbian? LMAO. As for the Red and white ones….I thought they were lil red arrows lol. Maybe put there as a reminder that the wearer has a face as well?

   

   sam {temptingmama} (164 comments.) Reply:
   March 3rd, 2009 at 8:44 pm

   Best. Comment. Ever. HILARIOUS!!

10. Rue The Day! » Worst Nipple Pasties Ever Says:
    March 5th, 2009 at 2:29 am

    [...] ready to go on Sessame Street. For more insanely ugly and strange pasties, check out this great post on Craftasrophe. Close Bookmark and Share This Page Save to Browser Favorites / [...]

11. Georgia Lassoff Says:
    March 5th, 2009 at 7:45 pm

    Those pasties are hilarious, and beautiful (well the first few anyway).

    As a stripper/crafter I have to take offense to this part of your post though
    ‘We used to meet up and go to the local strip club and drink, shoot pool and critque the dancers (because we knew what was going on) until some of the girls complained that they were uncomfortable dancing while there were girls in the house.

    Girls dancing on a stage and being ogled by men sitting inches from them have sexual fantasies didn’t creep them out, but the girls in the back playing pool? CREEPY!‘

    Strippers don’t take offense that girls are in the club, they got pissed because you were critiquing them and not tipping! How would you like it if someone came to your job, hung around in the background and made bitchy comments about you? We love it when women come to the club and have a good time, get lap dances or just tip us on stage. It seems totally cruel to hang out in a strip club purely to make fun of strippers. Why couldn’t you go to a regular bar and play pool?

    As if strippers don’t have it hard enough already, without non-paying customers fucking up their game. It’s totally annoying when girls come to my club, flirt with the men and snark on the dancers. That is taking money directly out of my pocket. I need to pay rent, you do not need to go to strip clubs and potentially fuck up people’s livelihoods.

    

    sam {temptingmama} (164 comments.) Reply:
    March 5th, 2009 at 9:05 pm

    Sorry you’re offeneded and I’ll take what you’ve said into consideration, but seeing as I said I was a teenager at the time, it’s irrelevant now.

    For the record we never heckled or said anything to them so they really had no idea.

    If you come across some great attire in your travels be sure to let us know. Have a great day!

12. Bree Says:
    March 8th, 2009 at 9:35 pm

    Ewwness… Vaggie nipple covers… Thank you for the nightmares.

13. Grace in Small Things (#9) « Says:
    March 9th, 2009 at 10:37 am

    [...] Tuesday -  This Craftastrophe [...]