Dear Twilight Fans,
Put the glitter down. Stop putting your body pillows in the freezer. No amount of glitter is going to turn your mom's frozen rock hard couch cushions into the Edward Cullen you are dying to lay your warm body against. Take the ice cubes outta your panties. Back away from the Twilight series.
Besides, Edward? Has the exact persona of a miserable, 40 year old housewife. I HAVE PROOF.
So last night dudski was all "I greatly enjoy the implication that for decades on end, all of the Cullens spent their nights having crazy sex while Edward sat around and studied and kept on being a virgin who never whacked off." which set Kendra and I off on a flurry of semi-roleplaying wherein Edward Cullen became a pissed off 40 year old housewife. COME ON IT IS CANONICAL: HE HIMSELF SAID HE PICKED UP A LOT OF HOBBIES WHILE EVERYONE ELSE WAS BUSY FUCKING.
( EDWARD CULLEN IS A VIRGIN. AND A PRUDE. )
Read this, then read the series again. Vampire Comedy Platinum that Fucking Glitters, Dude.
saint_renegade: CAN YOU IMAGINE HIM SCRAPBOOKING?
oxymoronassoc: YEAH I CAN
oxymoronassoc: ALL SPREAD OUT ON THE LIVING ROOM FLOOR
oxymoronassoc: SUPER INTENSE
saint_renegade: ~HUNTING TRIPS~
oxymoronassoc: CUTTING OUT SNOW ANGELS AND SHIT
oxymoronassoc: GOING TO GET STICKERS THAT MATCHED
saint_renegade: WHERE ARE MAH STICKERS!!!!!
oxymoronassoc: EMMETT WOULD STEAL THEM
oxymoronassoc: "LOOK AT THIS SHIT IT'S A BATHTUB STICKER? WHO THE FUCK NEEDS THAT?"
saint_renegade: jasper too when he's bored
oxymoronassoc: they would stick them places to annoy edward
oxymoronassoc: like on his clothes before esme washed them
saint_renegade: edward would get super pissy too
saint_renegade: I DON'T MAKE FUN OF YOUR HOBBIES!!!
oxymoronassoc: THOSE WERE MY FAVOURITE KHAKIS
oxymoronassoc: I PAID $4.50 FOR THOSE STICKERS YOU DICKS
saint_renegade: YOU ARE PAYING ME BACK!
Seriously, read it. Pee first. Everyone I know LOVED it and laughed their ass off. My job is done.
of the above shitty crafts}
P.S. GO TEAM JACOB!
Posted by Karen Sugarpants on March 26, 2009 @ 10:54 pm