My Breasts: Weapons of Mass Destruction

I'm alright with breastfeeding. I mean, it's not my favourite thing in the whole world - I'd definitely take pizza and beer over having a child suck milk from my tatas - so I'm not entirely partial to the idea of preserving my milk forever. A token of remembrance for the time that my infant sons breastfed? Um.. aren't they token enough? The proof that my milk was substantial enough to sustain a human life? Besides, wouldn't it be a little uncomfortable when my boys reach their teens and I explain to them that I expressed my milk in a container and mailed it off to some stranger to encase in resin to memorialize it? I shudder at the thought. But, then again, it's only my thought because I'm sure there are some people out there that think it's a marvelous idea and wish they had done it while they were nursing. (Hmmm.... maybe I can make a buck or two selling those ladies my lactation?)


Breastfeeding has changed my life, expanded my mind, and connected me to my boys in ways I could have never imagined. I am so very passionate about my children and amazed that my milk has helped them grow so beautifully. What an extraordinary power to MAKE MILK, and I woud(sic) do anything to preserve that forever.

I've never put that much thought into it. I mean sure, it's a fact of life, mammals do that, I just don't know that I could be that passionate about a liquid I can shoot from my breast up to a distance of four feet. Not that I've tried or anything because that would just be truly disturbing. Nor have I used it to fend of sexual advances from my husband. Nope. Not ever.

You will need to ship your milk to me. I only need a small amount, aprox around a tablespoon, and it needs to be shipped securely in a sealed bag, breastmilk bags have worked well as they are thick (double bagging is helpful).

I wonder if I'm allowed to send liquid cross border? You think the border guards would have the FBI hunt me down for shipping breast milk? Throw me in jail - Guantanamo Bay - for trying to export a "dangerous" substance into the US?

My breasts. Weapons of Mass Destruction.

Thanks to Rockle for sending us this one.


Posted by sam {temptingmama} on January 21, 2009 @ 11:08 am  

9 Responses to “My Breasts: Weapons of Mass Destruction”

  1. Ainse (1 comments.) Says:

    Soured milk in resin. I bet it’s really pretty in 20 years.

  2. Ruprecht (23 comments.) Says:

    Rupe wonders how you ‘splain this when crossing the border without guards looking at each other knowingly and commencing with a full body search.

    Just wonderin’ …..

  3. Michelle (1 comments.) Says:

    I’m pretty sure you could ship it and no one would notice. The postal system is not as thoroughly safe as it likes to appear.

  4. Rebecca C (4 comments.) Says:

    Uh, the sentiment is nice I guess, but not something I would like to personally own. And I was a die hard breastfeeder. I guess it takes all kinds.

  5. Natalie Willis (4 comments.) Says:

    I nursed three kids and the fact that I can now trip over my nipples is all the souvenir I need, thankyouverymuch.

  6. Bunnycow Says:

    I love this site, it makes me feel like no matter how odd my family feels about going out with me wearing set of earrings made of bottle caps, it could be infinitely worse… Speaking of infinitely worse, . Rancid breast milk or cocktail jewelry made from my dead relatives…..decisions decisions…

  7. Karen (32 comments.) Says:

    What’s next? Belts made out of the placenta?

    “Karen, what is that belt you’re wearing? Is that leather?”

    “Um, no, it’s the placenta from my first child. Like it? I’m trying to decide what to make out of the placenti from my second and third children.”

  8. c lo Says:

    That’s someone who needs to leave the kids with the sitter and go out for a margarita or 10.

  9. Momartfully (1 comments.) Says:

    That’s just lactastic! (lol)
    The dead people diamonds… ew.

    But it all made me laugh, thank you!

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