Christmas Vests: Bringing You the Season of Ugly

We've seen some craptastic sweaters, now it's time for The Vests!

I don't know that this is a vest as much as it is a sleeveless dress shirt, a la Patrick Swayze in Dirty Dancing era. (Now I have Do you love me? stuck in my head. *link has lots of gyrating hips in it, MNSFW*) One bit of assvice? The holly ring should meet up at the front of the shirt. I was checking to see if the buttons were done up incorrectly. (But the misaligned holly sure does make the shirt if I do say so myself.)

Poinsettias sprawled out all over your body?! Yes, please. I think the one could only have been better if those two middle ones had been evenly spaced and landed directly on the wearer's tatas. Man or woman, doesn't matter.

This shirt was SO much better when I first saw it. That was before I noticed the fish on the snowman's rod, because before? The snowman was carrying a RIFLE and there were two deer? / moose? / caribou? Deemoosibou (yes, Deemoosibou) roaming outside a tiny little gnome house.

Knitted fanitastic goodness. What could I possibly say that would top a teddy bear wearing a Christmas sweater, knitted on a Christmas vest? Moving on...

If this vest doesn't scream Redneck enough on its own, what about the wood paneling and perforated wood board? That picture only needs to be either something beer related or NASCAR to make this picture complete.

I may have just died and gone to Heaven. Is that fringe on the bottom of the vest? I believe everything on this vest is attached rather than sewn making them 3D monstrosities items of spectacular Christmassy goodness. And the twinkles? That's not just your eyes. Those are CHRISTMAS LIGHTS. Enough said. I am seriously considering contacting this seller for next year's vest. I need it.

Nothing could make this thing any better. They've even included a delightful Christmas turtleneck which I sure could be included if you asked the seller nicely.

There are no words. Seriously.

{ source - eBay and all its kitschy glory }

Posted by sam {temptingmama} on December 23, 2008 @ 7:03 pm  

8 Responses to “Christmas Vests: Bringing You the Season of Ugly”

  1. evabaruk (38 comments.) Says:

    I have to choose between those vests or going topless, I’d have to choose topless. And I’ve got major nudity issues.

    evabaruk’s last blog post..Saturday Night Noir

  2. Emma (3 comments.) Says:

    The scary thing is that I could send my mother this post, and she’d pick out which one she’d like me to buy her. *shivers*

    Emma’s last blog post..Gifts

  3. Melanie (2 comments.) Says:

    I fear that my mother would perhaps willingly buy and wear more than one of these….UGH! The scarier thought is that she might even consider buying me one.

    Melanie’s last blog post..Brat!

  4. Kelly Says:

    I am especially mesmerized by the twinkly lights. You have brightened my morning. Thank you.

  5. Lori Anderson (5 comments.) Says:

    When I do craft shows, I’m usually three down the aisle from someone making these in some fashion or other. Sigh.

    Lori Anderson’s last blog post..Merry Christmas Eve!

  6. Gabriel - Gadfly Revolution (1 comments.) Says:

    I can remember my mother wearing things like these when she was younger, but thankfully, she’s seen the error of her ways in recent years.

    …my grandmother, on the other hand, is hopeless. :)

  7. cheryl (1 comments.) Says:

    Yeah, unfortunately I have to admit guilt….in my previous life, I wore all this goofy %^&* too! Thanks goodness, I found the error of my ways!


  8. Greg Huntoon (1 comments.) Says:

    Someone is raiding my grandmother’s closets for these posts, I swear. This is rather uncanny. I think she has that 3rd one in 4 different colors.

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