Nothing will make little children cry more than a defaced and all 'round jacked up Santa. Could you just imagine the kids waking up bright and early Christmas day to this cracked out Santa staring them down?

(Would I be evil if I laughed at that mental picture? Because I totally did.)

Smokin' Santa is busy gettin' ready for the big day - packing the sleigh, checking his list, supervising the elves - but at the end of the day, he's ready to kick back with Mrs. Claus and enjoy his pipe. And Santa must be from Holland - check out his shoes!

Smokin' Santa = AWESOME. Totally off topic: Why do the Dutch wear wooden shoes? To keep the wood peckers off their heads. Bwahahahahaha. Now don't be getting your panties in a bunch. My stepdad's Dutch so I'm allowed to say that. { source }

10 Responses to “You Better Not Pout, You Better Not Cry Or This Here Santa Will Kick You in The Eye”

1. Lotta (64 comments.) Says:
   November 17th, 2008 at 9:56 pm

   I actually love that Santa. Stumpy arms and all! But I love a good, crazy Saint Nic.

   Lotta’s last blog post..Right On Santa!

2. deb (61 comments.) Says:
   November 17th, 2008 at 9:57 pm

   I totally had a Santa doll with a head almost exactly like that when I was little. Damn, that’s scary looking. Also a blow-up reindeer SET. Classy suburban 70s decorations!

3. Lotta (64 comments.) Says:
   November 17th, 2008 at 10:00 pm

   Ok – I updated my Right On Santa! post to include this damn awesome Santa.

   http://mom-o-matic.blogspot.com/2008/11/right-on-santa.html

   Lotta’s last blog post..Right On Santa!

4. Ruprecht (23 comments.) Says:
   November 17th, 2008 at 10:21 pm

   You have now given Rupe the way and the means to begin creating holiday fare without fear of reprisal.

   Thank you. Thank you very much.

   Ruprecht’s last blog post..Little Known Facts: The Celebrity Edition

5. Sandie (1 comments.) Says:
   November 17th, 2008 at 10:34 pm

   EEwwwwwww. Just EEwwwwwww.

   Sandie’s last blog post..Etsy Holiday Fest – SALE!!!!!

6. binders (4 comments.) Says:
   November 18th, 2008 at 12:15 am

   Now, you see, all those people I knew in college who were ‘English’ or ‘Literature’ majors thought they’d be the next big thing on the bestseller list. You know, the snooty
   ‘we think big thoughts’ types. Nope.

   In REAL life, they get jobs writing copy, trying to convince people to buy said jacked up Santa’s like this and so many of the other ‘crafts gone wrong’ you showcase so lovingly here.

7. mommypie (4 comments.) Says:
   November 18th, 2008 at 12:17 am

   Holy Evil Santa Pipe Bomb.

   mommypie’s last blog post..THIS is why I carry a spare set of surgical gloves.

8. Miss Ann Thrope Says:
   November 18th, 2008 at 12:26 am

   Ok so this is totally true. When I was little, I had a stuffed santa with that face. He had a fluffy soft body with a white furry stuff around his hood and red furry body. His face was hard plastic and looked like that. He had a music box and the winder part was where his ass’ole would be and he played Humoresque when you wound his butt.

   I loved him. Loved him. I had him up until the great basement flood of ’99 when I lost him along with a ton of other memory stuff.

   That whole thing with the tobacco can body? Um, a person actually had to think that up. That kinda scares me.

9. Taylor Blue (91 comments.) Says:
   November 18th, 2008 at 9:15 am

   Okay, I grew up Dutch and seeing those wooden shoes and it being a Dutch thing makes sense to me….

   They have Black Pete who gives the bad kids coal in Holland. But the Santa who is called Sinterklaas. (And they also celebrate Christmas on Dec 5) So if you were bad all you would do is have to lift Santa’s Head and you could become Black Pete.. total sense to me! But wait, Is that pipe mixture black?? Oh now I am confused..

   Okay, am I insane??

   Taylor Blue’s last blog post..Milo Ventimiglia Does Regis And Kelly

10. Miss (21 comments.) Says:
    November 18th, 2008 at 4:04 pm

    I’m buying this and telling my kid that if he doesn’t behave, bad santa will come on Christmas.

    Miss’s last blog post..My Soundtrack