Sarah wasn't happy when Daddy ran away with his hairdresser, Steve.  Worse yet, Mom re-married this total freak who loved to carve his likeness from soap and leave it in her bathroom. Sarah's mom and Soapstoner had a baby soon after they married and so they never had time for Sarah.  Sarah began spending more time in her room and creating things that made her feel better. Here is their story. {DUN DUN} Pay no attention to the sweet paw prints on my Bambi-soft flannel onesie.  YOU WILL OBEY ME OR I WILL SUCK YOUR SOUL OUT WITH MY DEMON SOUL AND WE WILL BE ONE SOUL.  SOUL SOUL SOUL. Stop staring at my bellybutton.  It's a goat's tail, I KNOW.  These safety pins are killing me.  Which is why I'm wrapped in gauze.  Also, you, with the blue paint brush?  You missed a spot.  Why don't you just go cut yourself, Emo kid?  You suck at crafts.  I could do crafts better and I'm a shiny blue doll.  With fingers that are FUSED TOGETHER.  FAIL. Somebody's been watching Star Wars, eh?  WHILE TRIPPING.  I'm like a robo-R2D2-Frankenbat-baby holding a black C3PO.  Racist.  And if I'm supposed to be so bad ass, why is it I have a bell and a ribbon on my dress?  It's to throw you off from my coke nail, huh?  Somebody lube up my bat-wings, they're feeling so dry.  And get Obama on the phone.  We need drug prevention in Connecticut.  These emo teens are an epidemic.  Where's Oprah?  She should do a show on this crazy b*tch.

7 Responses to “Sarah Was A Troubled Teen”

1. Jennifer Love (5 comments.) Says:
   November 11th, 2008 at 2:17 pm

   Man, as if dolls weren’t freakin’ creepy enough. GAH.

   Jennifer Love’s last blog post..Hope you’re having a fairy nice day today!

2. whall (1 comments.) Says:
   November 11th, 2008 at 3:03 pm

   We need Jonathan Coulton’s “Creepy Doll” song playing in the background.

3. Sassy (4 comments.) Says:
   November 11th, 2008 at 3:39 pm

   I plan on charging YOU for MY therapy bill.

   Sassy’s last blog post..Conwoman or a true sob story?

4. MzPenny (2 comments.) Says:
   November 11th, 2008 at 3:46 pm

   yeah….what Sassy said!!!

   MzPenny’s last blog post..3 new nov. digi’s

5. daysgoby (12 comments.) Says:
   November 11th, 2008 at 4:44 pm

   Is it wrong that the whole time I was reading the bit about Sarah I was singing Janie Got A Gun in my head?

   daysgoby’s last blog post..mute monday

6. NStein Says:
   November 11th, 2008 at 7:51 pm

   @whall: Hah! I love JoCo!
   These dolls freak me out though.

7. Zandor (75 comments.) Says:
   November 13th, 2008 at 9:15 am

   That first one showed up on my google reader thing and kind of scared me. Then I opened this up and the rest did too.

   Zandor’s last blog post..I don’t think it’s working.